Hmmm...

It's almost 2 am and I can't sleep.  I've been sitting here thinking about the ex and everything we've been through.  Can't seem to get him off my mind.  I'll be seeing him in about 2 weeks and I am ecstatic/excited/nervous.  After we broke up I prayed for the chance to work things out and when he didn't come back like he usually did I just figured we wouldn't have that chance again.  It left me devastated and broken.  We went through hell together (yes we did have our good moments, but we also had a lot of bad times as well).  To be honest, none of that even mattered - I just wanted him back.  Sad to say but I still want him back.  I know it's hard to understand how I could want him back after everything that happened but the truth is in this year since our breakup and since I've been saved I've learned so much about myself and about what it means to be a good girlfriend and wife.  I've been in love with him from the moment I laid eyes on him.  I knew instantly that he was the one and no matter what happened, no matter how bad our fights we ALWAYS worked things out.  We always found some way to fix things.  I always saw myself with him and I just couldn't imagine my life without him.  Fast forward a year and I realized that life goes on without him, that I can make it without him, that I don't need him to be happy.  I've found God and myself and I am happy without the ex.  I've met other guys and dated and had fun, but the truth is I am still very much in love with him.  All it took was one little call telling me he'd be here in my area and would I like to see him to send all of these feelings rushing back.  My friends keep asking why I would want to see him again, but how can I not see him again?  I spent so much time just praying and hoping that we'd get another chance to work things out and well maybe this is it.  I have to see him, I have to spend this time with him. Maybe this is God's way of bringing us back together again...